an open gate

Had a bit of a rough day yesterday. Tried to meet with the rep of one of the crew agencies here during their open hours in the morning and was told to come back at the end of the day because there would be other new crew people to meet and network with. The lady also said it'd just be easier for her to talk to us all at once instead of me in the morning and the rest at the end of the day. And being me, I gladly obliged despite the inconvenience - I'd figure out another plan for making good use of the day.

So I drove around some more to get a better feel for where the marinas are and, more importantly, which ones the megayachts are at. I went home and ate my packed lunch - the one I had planned to eat during a break from job hunting (which is what I planned to do with the information I would've gotten from the morning meeting). I studied google maps of San Diego and the harbor, islands, marinas, etc. and called up the captain of a charter boat called the Stars and Stripes. It's a retired racing yacht and the captain agreed to have me on Saturday as a volunteer deckhand, just as a way for me to start getting experience. Thing is, it's a sail boat. Not really what I want to be doing, but it'll be an adventure helping to sail this 78-footer and who knows what may come of the connections I make. . .

And that was kinda the highlight of the day yesterday cuz when I went back to the agency office I was the only one there for the meeting (and it appears as if the rep knew that's how it would be from the start - she just didn't wanna deal with me in the morning). And our meeting basically consisted of her telling me I have very little chance of getting a job, that I paid $300 more than I needed to for training school and that I should shave. . . so people don't mistake me for a hippie. =) And man, I gotta tell ya, that thing about the training school bugged me cuz I ASKED HER which school to go to weeks ago when I was planning this trip and she said NOTHING about this other option that was 300 less! Agh! And now she tells it to me like I'M silly for going where I did.

So I left the meeting pretty well discouraged and took some time to really sit and talk to God. I was low and was questioning if I'd blown it coming down here to San Diego. I wanted to leave. Go home. Go to sleep. God! Did I totally miss you? I thought I heard you. All the negativity and the knowledge that I coulda saved a bunch of money made it very easy to doubt. But God began bringing me back. As I talked and listened I could recognize His voice again and saw that that wasn't the voice I heard in the meeting. His voice was saying, you're okay. Don't be afraid. I'm still here. You don't think that just because of this it means I've lost control, do you? =) I've still got it. You're doing well. Everything you've done is right. You went to the right places, you met the people I wanted you to meet. And what's $300 to God anyway. Being human it's just so easy to assume that something like that is a sign that we've messed up.

I went home and shared it all with my longtime friend, "Aunt" Mary and God continued to bring me back from that place of discouragement and doubt. But I woke up this morning and some of that stuff began creeping back in. I almost got out the door without spending some time with God, really feeling like I needed to get out and do something - make something happen. But I was prompted to just stop. And let time go, wherever it was going to. =)

My bookmark was at Habakkuk cuz I've been reading through in order and I almost turned away from it, thinking I probably need something like Psalms right now. But I read the first sentence of Eugene Peterson's intro to Habakkuk and knew immediately that I had to read on. It was exactly what I needed to hear! And Habakkuk wraps up like this. . .

Though the cherry trees don't blossom
and the strawberries don't ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
and the cattle barns empty,
I'm singing joyful praise to God.
I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God's Rule to prevail,
I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

Amen! Even though my circumstances don't look promising I KNOW God is faithful and His promises will prevail! Now I was ready to go out and face whatever challenges or obstacles lay ahead.

I was going out to "dockwalk." Basically, go to the marinas and yacht clubs and sneak onto the docks and try to talk to the people on the really big boats. Try to get work. Try to not get thrown out. =) And this is all new to me! The idea of going up to complete strangers and starting conversations is kinda daunting, let alone asking for a job. =) Definitely stepping out of my comfort zone, needing God to be with me.

And you know what? God. Is. Faithful. And he delights in us! He loves it when we "go for it" with Him. And he showed me that. . .

I was gonna hafta wait (without looking suspicious) for someone to go in or out of the private dock gate and slip in around them, acting like I belonged there too. I had been told by the rep at the agency to just tell people I'm friends with someone on the yachts if I got stopped and as I walked toward the gate I just wasn't sure I was actually okay with lying to someone so I could get down to the boats. But God quieted me and let me know He was with me. And I turned the corner to see the gate to the dock. . . standing wide open! It was propped open for some unexplained reason, just for me! I had been there before, multiple times, and it was locked - all the private docks are locked!

You gotta know this made me smile! God is SOOO good! I didn't ask Him to prove anything to me when I doubted, I chose to continue believing and He did this on His own - because He wanted to! And that was the start of my day today. =) I didn't get any work, but I talked to a couple boats on that first dock and got my resume to a captain and got onto several more docks and talked to more people afterward! After starting with a wide open gate I felt pretty good about going anywhere I wanted. =) The GOD. . . of the UNIVERSE is walking around with me! Where CAN'T I go? What CAN'T I do?