heaven song

A song I recorded yesterday, written by Phil Wickham. Photo credit goes to my friend, Tyler Knochel. God, thank you for your promise.

oh, the wonders

Ever seen one of these before? It's a lunar halo or a "hey, look, there's a ring around the moon!"


I was with some friends in Phoenix, AZ on January One and we all saw this! Well, not exactly this - I got this pic off the web. But it is from AZ and I'm sure we could have seen it like this, with a cactus, if we had wanted to. But it was so awesome and mysterious! I had never seen it before, at least not that I can remember. We didn't pull out the camera or anything, but we all enjoyed it and talked about blue moons and such.

I'm writing about it, though, because it happened again the other night! Here above Pasadena! Braden (my big little brother =) came in and said I had to check out the sky. It was after midnight sometime and cold out, but everything was lit up blue by the almost-full moon and there was a perfect ring around it, just like the photo. I looked it up just now and discovered it's a lot like a rainbow, but is caused by moonlight reflecting off of and shining through ice particles way up high! =)

Reminded me of Phoenix and friends and how creative and thoughtful God is!

salt (and pepper) and light

I had a conversation with my parents a while ago. It was one of those long, honest, "heart-to-heart" conversations about life and. . . stuff. I didn't used to like those much cause life seemed easier-- no, more pleasant when I just kept to myself and dealt with things on my own. Stupid. The older I get, the more I enjoy them - those conversations. I'm still not the best at initiating them, but I want them - I wanna stay raw and real with people. It's hard, but it feels so-o good! Like growing pains (those always made me laugh cuz they hurt, but I liked that I was growing).

But anyway, we were at the table and talking about relationships and the salt and pepper and a candle got used to illustrate how our relationships should look.


It's crucial that we keep God, the light, in the center of the relationship. And when we find ourselves (the salt or pepper in this case) off to one side or the other, all it takes is repositioning ourselves so that everything we do and say to a friend or family member or coworker goes through God first. Cuz if He's not there we can end up hurting people. . . or getting hurt. Messes get made of things that could be and should be beautiful.

It's interesting, though, and it can't be shown with these table-things because it's not physically possible, but as long as you are choosing to be "hidden" behind God, you will be, even if the other person in the relationship has stepped out of line so that they're not "hidden." He'll protect us and help us to filter the things that come at us if we're being deliberate about keeping Him in the relationship mix.

But the best is to be in a relationship where both people are choosing to keep God between them. Cuz He's there to protect us, but His being there doesn't hinder growth in relationship! In fact, the more we move toward Him, the closer we are to each other!

So take a look at your relationships and see if you've got God there in between you and your friends or family or whoever. And if He's not there. . . ask Him to be! Real relationship isn't usually a walk in the park (sounds nice though) and it's easy to get caught up in the emotions of it all (good or bad) and forget to keep God in the center. So be deliberate. In all your relationships!

just do it

I'm talking about following God here. . .

I got up this morning not feeling really great about life, but quickly remembered the place I was in with God last night - He gave me part of a song and I recorded what was there. He was helping me to keep surrendering things in my life that feel important and true and necessary and showing me more and more that really, all I need is Him. Even if I give up everything that's important to me and life seems to be void of goodness or beauty, He is SO completely sufficient! There are tons of wonderful, amazing things He wants for us and has for us in this life, but He wants us to want Him most! All those other things are bonuses - and they're good and right and part of the beauty of life, but they're not so important that giving them over to Him means anything bad. By letting go we free ourselves to be more completely His!

Okay that was a tangent. =D The point was. . .

I woke up and felt like I should go rollerblading, but didn't really feel like it. I remembered God's goodness and the things He's been saying to me recently. I went. I took the recording from last night on my iPod and skated around my neighborhood. I headed uphill and was soon ready to call it quits and make a loop that would take me back downhill. But I felt something urging me to keep going, keep straining. So I did. Another block and I thought, this is probably far enough. I'll turn around now. But again I felt that nudging in my spirit and kept going. I got to a T in the street I was on and was glad to be forced to go sideways instead of up and up and up.

I turned the corner and there was a good friend of mine I haven't been really connected with lately! He too had gotten up not really wanting to go out, but was now out jogging - something he hasn't been doing regularly. He just felt this morning like it's what he should do. We went on together and connected - shared some recent praises and challenges and had a really great time.

He asked me what I had been listening to when we bumped into each other and suddenly I felt silly, but knew this was all happening for a reason. I told him I felt silly cuz I was listening to myself - the song from last night - but that it was relevant and ministering to me. I didn't really want to, but offered the iPod so he could hear. He was really encouraged by it and it sparked more conversation!

God is good. How do we ever forget this?!

So with that in mind, that God is good (aaand knows what He's doing =), I challenge you to listen. Listen and feel for his voice and His gentle prodding. Be willing to embrace discomfort and challenge and just do it.

why?

In a Bible study not too long ago on the topic of works someone asked the question, "what if we get to the gates of heaven and God says, 'Why should I let you in?'"

I don't think I had ever really thought about it before, but in that instant I knew in my heart exactly what I would say. "Because you love me. . . And because I love you."

Okay =D, I had written a lot more here about how I felt so sure that love is the only answer, but then I remembered. . .

Romans 10:9 doesn't say we need to love him to be saved, only believe. So. . . maybe I've just gotten in so far that I can't imagine not loving him. =D I guess I'm at a place, and I think many of us are, where believing in him is such a given that it has been superseded by loving him.

I dunno. . .

I just know that's what I would say. =D

set sail

For those of you who haven't known me very long or just haven't been "in touch" recently (which could very well be my fault. I'm sorry =), I've always had a love for the sea.

My family has done houseboat vacations with my great aunt and uncle since, well, since before I was even around to go along. And there's always been something alluring to me about living out on the water. Not to mention all the A-mazing things one can do for fun out there, like wakeboarding, skiing, tubing, etc. =D

But anyway, when Ryan (my brother) and I were in Greece in October we went out to an island for a day of super-fresh seafood and swimming at the beach. I was out in the water at one point, marveling in the simple beauty of my surroundings and the old wooden boat on blocks in the sand being painted bright red when I saw a gleaming white power yacht far out on the water between me and the distant mountain islands.

I saw it there, cutting across the horizon and I felt an old familiar ache. You see, I went through a "phase" many years ago when I was absolutely determined that yachting was the life for me. I subscribed to a magazine and clipped pictures out to keep in my journal and would look up the newest, biggest yachts online. I dreamt of someday having my own and using it as a sort of ministry tool; a way to share with people the super-abundant love of God for us. I wanted people to see that God desires so much better and bigger for us than we often let ourselves believe. Eventually "reality" sunk in (haha, not intended =) and I let it all go. Dismissed it. It was silly. After all, the only people that have these boats are the uber wealthy! I was just a kid.

Well, I saw that yacht in Greece and I felt that longing again. I took it to God and said, this feels important to me. There's something here that's significant beyond a mere childhood fantasy. And he said, yeah... what are you going to do about it?

I thought about that. And for the last several weeks of the trip he spoke to me more about my heart and that he wants me living from it more! To be awake and alive to the desires he's given me and to the mystery of the life it brings when we listen to it with him!

Anyway, I'm pursuing a "career" working on yachts. I'll be living in San Diego for part of February to do safety training and to just be around boats more. Sound kinda crazy? It does to me. =D It's gonna require a lot of growth and determination. But most of all determination to trust.

And so my journey has brought me here. To this moment. I don't know how long or how far this will go. I'm learning to live in the moment, not guessing or worrying about the next. Not regretting the last. All I know is what he's told me to do right now. And I'm gonna do it!

i will not be safe

This quote by C.S. Lewis has been on my mind a lot recently and I wrote it down here in a draft this morning, but didn't know what to say to accompany it.

A few moments ago this quote became more relevant and true to me than I could say if I wanted to.

And so... I'll just leave it to speak for me.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. -C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves